he took my childhood in stride (lily)

[faith elizabeth evans]

It had been an incredibly long day at work, and Faith was just getting back home from teaching at the University. Some days she wished she had picked a job that was closer to home and not as much work this was one of those days. She loved her job most of the time after all she got to teach history, her passion at one of the most prestigious schools in England. There was a lot to love about her job. She understood that with every up there was always a down. Unfortunately she had learned this at an incredibly early age. Her job meant she had to drive an hour every morning, she had to get up at five or six everyday, and she didn't get home until around eight. The classes she had today had been extremely long even though her day had been a couple hours it felt like years. When she stepped into her house her brain was to the vegetable state.

She looked around, things were incredibly quiet for a change. She was so used to Petunia doing something loud whether it was talking on the phone or watching TV. Faith raised her brow and removed her coat, slightly worried. It was a character trait for her, worry. That was mostly due to events in her early childhood. She was constantly worried about those close to her especially her daughters. Some days her daughters asked why she was so protective, or why she didn't let them go to other friends' houses. It certainly wasn't their father Thomas would allow them to demolish the house if he could. She couldn't bring herself to explain events of her childhood to anyone, why she woke up in the middle of the night frightened. The only person who knew was her beloved husband and she even spared details from him.

Faith stepped further into the room and looked around. The lights were on but everything was far too quiet. She cleared her throat. "I'm home." She said as loudly as she could before taking a seat on the couch in the living room. The Evans' weren't particularly wealthy but they weren't dirt poor either. They were well off and definitely had enough money to survive on. Faith had promised to give her children the best she could it was a pact she had made with herself as a teenager. She never wanted her kids to find beer in the refrigerator instead of milk.

She picked up the paper and started reading it. There really wasn't anything of interest it was more out of boredom than anything. She was extremely curious as to where everyone was therefore she turned quickly when she finally heard footsteps behind her.

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

It was only September, and Lily already missed home. She had grown exhausted of Hogwarts, and the drama that came with it already. Although, it probably wasn't safe to be out in the Muggle world anyway, but Lily didn't care. She wanted to see her mother. Lily and her mother were incredibly close. But Lily could sense a little awkwardness and tension. Was her mother hiding something from her? Probably. Did Lily want to find out? Duh. Was Lily going to find out? Of course, sooner or later. Lily Meredith Evans was determined to find out why her mother was like she was.

Honestly, Lily was a bit anxious about coming home. She didn't know if Petunia was going to be there. Her sister had started going out with this nasty Muggle, Vernon. Vernon seemed like a carbon copy of Petunia, but in a male form. It was revolting and repulsive simultaneously. Growing up, Lily and Petunia were really close. But then Headmaster Dumbledore wouldn't let Petunia come to Hogwarts either, so the sisters' relationship fell apart. Petunia started ignoring her baby sister.

This was all painful for the eleven-year-old Lily. She already had drama at Hogwarts, and she wanted to come home to nothing to worry about, but of course. That wasn't going to happen as long as Petunia was around. Petunia had always instigated drama with her younger sister. Lily quickly grew fed up with it. She used to tell her parents these things, but as soon as she did, Petunia would act like a darling. Lily was so glad she out of the house now. Yes, it was really rude of her to say that about her sister, her sister that she had been so close with for years, but Petunia deserved it.

The sisters were best friends, partially because Faith and Thomas wouldn't allowed them outside the majority of the time. Lily wandered the streets of her childhood home. It was a nice neighborhood. I mean, well, it wasn't a bad neighborhood? She walked up to the back door and stepped through. Immediately, she felt a missed sense of warmth. Home. She saw her mother's silhoutte in the room over. Her mum turned sharply around and Lily jumped. "Mum?"

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[faith elizabeth evans]

Faith smiled warmly when she saw her daughter. Many accused Faith as being cold hearted and icy, and that was true to a certain extent. She had hard time with displaying affection especially around her husband. At times that put a strain on their relationship but overall they had an understanding for each other and that understanding was what kept them together. When it came to her two girls she had no trouble whatsoever to display affection, it actually came fairly easy to her. It surprised her friends (the few she had) when she got emotional about her daughters. Even though she didn't show her worry she was extremely worried about her daughters growing apart. Lily and Petunia had been the best of friends but then the situation with Hogwarts changed things. Faith was proud that her daughter was a witch and she was proud of Petunia in ways as well but she was also disappointed in Petunia, with her actions at least.

Immediately she stood up and approached her daughter and hugged her tightly. She had missed Lily very much over the past days. It was somewhat crazy for her to say that after all it was only September, Lily still had the rest of the school year at Hogwarts sometimes Faith wondered how she was going to be able to get through the months without going into a panic attack. Her worry had started to show through the past few days especially when her and her husband were alone. Before bed the two talked about what was on their mind and Faith always mentioned her daughter and how she was worried about her. Lily was the light in her world if anything had happened to her at Hogwarts she would have a freak out. Thomas constantly reminded her that one day she would have to let Lily go, Faith couldn't bring herself to think of that yet.

She kissed the top of her daughters head tenderly, tears coming into the corner of her eyes. Was she going overboard? Probably. She was emotional around her children she wouldn't deny that. "I've missed you so much." She said before backing off, motioning for her daughter to sit down beside her. Faith wiped her eyes quickly with the hope her daughter hadn't caught the wetness around her eyes. She smiled, squeezing her daughter's hand. "How's Hogwarts?" She asked still rather emotional. Was she possessive? Yes. Was she aware of this? Not really. Her laid back nature was beaten out of her when she was a little girl...literally.

She let go of her daughter's hand and placed it in her lap. She was still overjoyed at her daughter's appearance, it was surprising. If her daughter wanted to come home she certainly wouldn't protest after all she liked it best when Lily was in her watchful eye. "No that wasn't the right question. How are you?" It was something she was never asked when she was a young woman. Her parents never bothered to ask how she was doing, how she felt about not having food on the table, or how she felt about being smacked around. Faith never hit her kids, she didn't even spank them or playfully pat them either.

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

Lily knew her mother wasn't the kindest, most gentlest person in the world. She knew that for a fact. However, the woman was still her mother. Heartless or not, Lily was obligated to love Faith unconditionally - not that that was a problem or an issue. Her mother was everything to her. She was so thankful for her. What would have happened if her mother and father had not accepted her as a witch? Would she be miserable? No doubt. Would she become totally lost and depressed? Absolutely. I mean sure, she had friends up at Hogwarts - Emmeline, Natalie occasionally Alice, and Frank - but no one could replace her parents! They were her parents!

Growing up with a sister had been fun. It had been great! She wasn't alone when she was younger, Tuney was always there for her as she was for her. But what happened to them? Oh yes, that's right, Lily got her acceptance letter into Hogwarts. Lily didn't see why it was a problem, she was still herself! Petunia didn't seem to think so as she completely cut her sister out of her life. But Lily wasn't deaf. She heard the things Petunia would say behind her back. She would constantly hear the word 'freak' once she got that letter. It hurt, it genuinely hurt, to hear her sister saying such things about her.

But she was glad her mother and father were accepting. She would have been lost without them. Although at times, her mother and father were way too protective of her daughter. She wasn't sure on how Faith was with Petunia. She wasn't sure if Lily was the one who was coddled because she was the youngest who was still away at school. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she realized she wasn't at Hogwarts. No, she was in the Muggle world with her mother. Where was Daddy, at work? Yes, Lily still called her father 'Daddy'. Old habits die hard!

"I've missed you too, Mum," She was reluctant to let go of her mother. She missed her incredibly. How's Hogwarts? Oh, bugger. Lily wasn't an idiot. She wasn't going to inform her overprotective mother about her encounter with James. Merlin only knows what she would do. It was not even the second month of school yet, and Lily already had a lot of drama going on. What was she going to say? "Uh," she stuttered. Then her mother changed her question. Thank God. "I'm doing great, Mum." There. That wasn't a complete lie. On one side, she was doing great, but on the other, she was stressing out - but she wasn't going to let her mother know that! "How are things here?" she asked, sitting down next to her mother.

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[faith elizabeth evans]

The absence of Thomas sort of worried her. He was a busy man but usually he let her know if he wasn't going to be home on time. Faith was a sad story and without Thomas her story would get even sadder. Her clingyness, though, at times was ridiculous even she had to admit that. She mentally slapped herself just to make sure she wouldn't worry about her perfectly competent husband. Right now she had other things to worry about. Her daughter was home which was rare these days and Faith was going to be sure to spend every second she could with Lily. Her moments with her daughter grew smaller and smaller as her little girl got older. This actually scared her a bit. It wasn't the fact she was getting old that scared her but the fact that she would soon have to let her little girl go.

Petunia had moved out earlier in the year which took a mental toll on Faith. Many felt that Faith favored Lily over Petunia but that wasn't the truth. Faith could never love one daughter more than the other that was just not conceivable. Faith knew what it was like not to be loved and she would never wish that upon her worst enemies let alone her own daughter. She merely had different ways of showing love to different people. Petunia was a different personality than Lily therefore she had a much harder time connecting but she did try. She tried all the time.

She smiled brightly when her daughter declared she had missed her. It gave her a spark of warmth. How her parents could have overlooked the joys of being a parent was past her. Some days the only thing that actually kept her going were her two kids, if she lowered herself to the level of her parents she would...she wouldn't be able to live with herself. She shuttered at those thoughts unknowingly. She had tried over the years to block out anything that had to do with her childhood--it had made life so much easier on her. Some counselors had told her that pretending something never happened was a terrible thing. She was a mother, she was a professor, and she most certainly wasn't going to allow herself to dive down the dark hole of depression again.

She snapped out of her own thoughts by her daughter's reply. Her words caused her brow to quirk up curiously. She couldn't help but wonder what the 'uh' her daughter was avoiding was. She debated a minute or two as to whether she was going to pry or not and decided on the latter. She was a mother and a protective mother but her daughter was seventeen and needed her own space. The last thing Faith wanted to do was drive her beloved away. She smiled warmly when Lily spoke of something more reassuring. "I'm glad." She was happy her daughter was doing so well. Something in her doubted that but she wasn't going to pry. "They are OK but I suppose I miss you and your sister. Things are really lonely with both of you gone." When the silence between her and her husband was unbearable she would play the piano to ease her pain. She wasn't going to tell her daughter this though. She had mastered the art of keeping things quiet over the years. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

Lily was kept out of the loop a lot now that she was at Hogwarts. Maybe that would stop since she was going to graduate. The only thing she knew she did not want to happen was that she would graduate, but her parents would not be there with her to celebrate. That was the last thing she wanted - no, she did not even want it. Lily would have nothing to do without her parents. She would be stuck with Petunia as her only family, and she did not want that under any circumstances. No bloody way.

With her mother, Lily was very confused about a lot of things. She did not know why her mother was like how she was. Why was she so uptight? Why was she always worried? Why was she so overprotective? These questions were never answered for Lily when she was a child. She was never told why, but she wanted to find out. What would she do if she had never found out? No clue. She would go crazy if she had to continue with her life knowing that she would never know.

Lily had a lot going on at Hogwarts. Between her friends, her friends' drama, James, and her academics, she was totally confused. She would be a fool if she told her mother that. Her heart sunk when she heard that her mother was lonely. A frown crossed her features. She was saddened at the thought that she didn't know what she could to keep her mother company. Dropping out of school was not an option. She had to finish her educational career to become an auror like she wanted. She looked at her mother as she offered to get her something, "Um, some tea would be lovely, Mum," Keeping her father from working was crazy as well.

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[faith elizabeth evans]

Faith couldn't help but feel the slight awkwardness between her and Lily. There was always some awkwardness only because Faith never told Lily the real story of her childhood. She had hid details saying that her mother died in a car accident, that her father worked a lot and was never home and eventually died of natural causes before Lily was born. They were beautifully crafted lies. Lies caused Faith to act strange especially around the person she was lying to--which was the whole world. When she went to therapy she even kept things from her therapist. Thomas on the other hand was not so secretive about his life. He had gone through hell and back as well but for some reason he managed to tell his daughters everything not sparing any detail.

She smiled and stood up to put the kettle on the oven. She paused for a second and looked out the window. It was frosty and a light snow was falling. It was only mid September but she lived in a neighborhood where it was very cold and prone to snow. In the blurry frost of the window she could see the neighbors. Two small children, and two adults who she figured were the parents. She crossed her arms and smiled at the warmth shared between the small family. In her mind that warmth seemed to melt the frost away. She turned away startled by the sound of the whistling kettle. She poured herself a cup of tea as well as her daughter.

She returned to the living room with the tray of tea and sat down beside her daughter. She handed the cup to her little girl her blue eyes gleaming. Her next words slipped out of her mouth. "Have I ever told you the story of my childhood?" She asked. She herself was surprised. "If you would like to hear it I could tell you." She said crossing her arms. This was the moment she had waited for. The day she figured her daughter would actually be old enough to hear what she had to say. Faith hadn't told Petunia and she had a feeling she wouldn't ever tell Petunia. She loved her other daughter very much but she didn't have the same connection with her as she did with Lily.

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

What Lily had considered a "normal childhood" was one where her mother and father would coddle her and Petunia, never once letting them out of their sights. That was normal to Lily. Then, when Lily went to her muggle school, all the children were brought up differently. Then Lily went to Hogwarts and things were completely differently. Lily never understood why her mother and father kept things from her. Why did they make their children sheltered, sheltered from the horrors of reality? Every time that thought crossed her mind, Lily grew irritated. She would vow to not do the same to her future children. She couldn't tell if Petunia would do the same for her spawn with that gorilla of a man she had.

Lily was shot out of her thoughts from the loud and obnoxious whistling of the kettle. It was nice to be home with her mother. She was sure her father was at work and would return once Lily had already departed. That made her a bit sad. She had rarely talked to her father, other than the occasional letter, but she missed him dearly. She would have to write a letter specifically to him and tell Mum to give him a huge hug and kiss from her.

She smiled at her mother and took the cup of tea from her. Lily took a cautious sip from it, and she turned her head to the side. Sure, Faith had told her daughter about her "childhood". False. Anything Lily knew about her childhood was very vague and hard to believe. Lily swallowed a bit of the tea, "I would love to hear it, Mum." Lily smiled. She kicked her shoes off so they landed near where her bag was on the floor. Her wand was still in her jean pocket. Lily pulled her legs to her chest, grasping her tea cup in her hands.

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[faith elizabeth evans]

Her previous question had been rhetorical...slightly. She had told her daughters her childhood, well at least her carefully crafted lie of one. Other than that she neglected to. Faith sipped her tea, trying her hardest to prolong her storytelling. She had opened the door herself, by her own will. She knew her daughter was ready, but she wasn't sure if she herself was ready to reacquaint herself with the ghosts of her past. She hadn't tried it directly in years with the fear of bringing herself back into the dark hole of depression. It wasn't something she could afford. The last time she had, when she was in college, she had nearly taken her own life. She took a deep and heavy breath before setting her tea back on the table.

"As you know my parents were young when they had me, they were both in college. I had told you that they wanted to get married because they had loved each other very much just as your father and I. That in itself isn't entirely true." She paused and bit her lip. "My parents conceived me on a drunken night, they hardly knew each other and when my mother found herself pregnant her parents forced her to marry. At first my parents tried but eventually they decided things weren't working. My father was the only one employed and he had trouble providing for the family this caused him to turn to alcohol." It was amazing how something was already answered. People always wondered why Faith and Thomas never had alcohol in the house. The answer was soundly in the previous statement.

"My father was never in my life when I was a young girl. He was either at work or out at the bar--getting drunk." Hatred filled her voice as she spoke of her father. "And when he did come home the things he did to my mother were absolutely barbaric. I was often ignored but sometimes I wasn't...and during those times I wished I wasn't noticed." Faith paused trying hard to collect herself. "After nearly a decade of abuse my mother got into her car and purposely drove it off a cliff--killing herself. I had told you it was an accident I had lied." She allowed herself to mentally take a break and took a long sip of tea.

"Much to my dismay my father was now accountable for me entirely. The suicide had taken a toll on him and he drove himself deeper in to the bottle. Soon after he lost his job and he was home twenty four seven." Faith closed her eyes wishing not to recall the memories of her past. "I became my mother after that. During the day when he was more sane he would remind me how ugly and useless I was. It wasn't until night when the horror was unleashed." She allowed the tear to roll down her pale face. "I was thirteen when he snatched my childhood away from me. I can recall everything. He came up to my room late at night and decided he would have his way with me. I opened my mouth to scream but no one heard and no one would hear for the next four years after that." Faith turned away from her daughter. She didn't want her own flesh and blood to see her in her current state.

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

Lily waited patiently. She had heard the story of her mother's childhood, but she hadn't believed much of it. Sure, it sounded reasonable and realistic, but it just didn't add up in Lily's mind. Maybe it was because Lily did not like the story. She was afraid of whatever the truth held. Faith's lie of a story had made sense and was fully believable, and Lily had believed it for a good part of her own childhood. But now that Lily was older and had thought about it, some things in it did not click or add up in it.

Petunia and Lily's maternal grandmother was no longer with the family. Lily knew that much. She hardly ever saw her grandfather, and Lily never knew exactly why though. Lily nodded at the story. The grandparents were quite young. Taking a sip of her tea, her expression grew a bit puzzled. She listened in horror to the truth. Did Lily really want to her the rest of this? If it started out as a negative, didn't that normally mean that it would have a happy ending?

She watched her mother in horror of this story. It would have been rude to just walk off. Hearing about alcoholic tendencies of her grandfather made her feel really and extremely grateful for her constantly sober father. Lily's eyes widened as she heard that her grandmother had killed herself. Her mouth had opened in shock. She had closed it, tightly pressing her lips together. "I..I'm so sorry." she felt awful for her mother. She could feel her eyes watering a bit, but she did not want to start blubbering in tears. She was afraid had she even blinked, the tears would have spilled over.

Lily had grown worried. She did not like her grandfather anymore. She had taken another anxious sip of her tea, and she saw a tear slide down her mother's face. She tried to ignore it, but then she felt a teasing tear slide down her own cheek. Lily shamelessly wiped it away. What was she to say to this? Lily was absolutely speechless.

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[faith elizabeth evans]

Faith watched her daughter's expressions. They displayed looks of horror just as she had expected. She hadn't told her to scare her or to even make her appreciate her protection. Faith watched the tear roll down her daughter's eye. She watched as Lily wiped it away. She gently brushed the wetness that remained on her daughter's face. She ignored her own stream of tears flowing from her eyes. "I want you to know why I told you." Her voice quivered behind her tears. "Its not because I want you to feel sorry for me. Please darling don't. It isn't because I wanted you to hear a horrific story that would be cruel." She caught her breath. She had struggled immensely to speak without breaking down. "It isn't even because I want you to understand why--why you're father and I are so protective."At this point Faith gave up on concealing her tears.

"Lily I want you to know that I love you." She paused and looked her straight in the eyes. "I don't want you to hate your grandfather. You need to understand his anger as well. He has apologized to me." Faith couldn't bring herself to forgive him. In her mind sorry wasn't enough and it was terrible for her to think that. For the longest time she had worked up her self-esteem so that one day she could forgive her father. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm a burden. If I hadn't been born so many things wouldn't have happened--so many horrible things. But then I think if I hadn't been born I wouldn't have had you. You are everything to me Lily." Her tears started rolling down her face again.

She brought her daughter into a tight embrace. Violent sobs and heavy streams of tears let her. It was uncontrollable, it was the first time in ten years. The first time she had revisited the past. She felt as if she had opened Pandora's box.

[lily meredith evans]

( shes not broken shes just a baby )

Having her mother wipe her tears away made Lily feel like a young girl again. It was a mixed feeling. On one hand, Lily wanted to feel the innocence of her childhood once more, but on the other hand, Lily knew that she could not be a child forever. She - like everyone else - was bound to grow up at some point. She wished it was easier. She wished it was more like those fairytales that Mum used to read to her about the boy taking all these kids to a land where they would never grow up. Lily knew that the world was not a happy and safe place, any wizard or witch could tell you that. Magical and Muggle folk were dying left and right from murder or illness or anything of the sort. It was quite frightening. Tears were flowing down her face, though strained; Faith was having tears freely down her face. Lily's heart broke seeing her mother like that.

Lily nodded, afraid to speak as though her eyes would fall out from her tears. What? How could one not feel sorry for a person after hearing a story like that? She had a feeling it was not because her mother wanted her youngest daughter to hear a realistic-horror story; it was not like Faith at all. Lily could not bear to look at her mother any longer. There was no way to tell whether or not she was going to have any tears after this mother and daughter "bonding" session - if you could call it that.

She had to hate her grandfather. How could you not? What father would do that to their daughter? Mr. Evans was getting the biggest hug and kiss Lily had ever given him. Had he done that to her, Lily would not have known what to do. Would she have moved out? Would she have died early at some point? Lily looked back at her mother at this. "Mum," she heard herself say - barely. Her voice was lower than the lowest whisper. "Mum, I am so thankful that you were born, and that you pulled through what you've been through. I had absolutely no idea..." Her voice trailed lower as she continued with her say. Her voice was cracking and breaking all over the place.

The two women were hugging each other tightly. "I love you so much, Mum," Lily whispered in her mother's ear. Sobs and tears soaked up Lily's shoulder. What was she to do? Lily held her mother tightly, knowing what it felt like to not know how to stop crying, to let everything out.

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words;; 441
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